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And I’ve started the fast. I worked into the morning last night making juice from navel oranges and gala apples. Altogether, nearly 10 pounds of fruit yielded approximately 72 ounces of juice. I was expecting more than that, but I was wrong. Hence I’m educating my guesses.

I also thought this would be easy, that I wouldn’t want a breakfast sandwich, that I wouldn’t miss cream and sugar in my coffee (I maintain that coffee is hot bean juice and therefore counts.), I thought that I wouldn’t be hungry, but I was wrong. Hence I am educating my guesses.

As it turns out, gala apples are big on taste — as well as pulp — and little on juice. If it is possible for an apple to be arid, the gala succeeds. And the oranges! Evidently I got what I paid for. My 8 pound bag of bulk oranges yielded around 40 percent fruit and 60 percent peel. Sometimes, oranges, it doesn’t pay to have a thick skin.

So I’ve learned: this is going to be really hard; it is going to be really worth it; galas are for flavor, not for making apple juice; don’t be a cheapskate on the oranges. It’s best to get the more expensive fruit.

I hate the phrase “making an educated guess”, but “educating my guesses” is an apt turn of phrase; as I drink my coffee-bean juice in my office, I realize I’ve got a lot of mind to keep over a lot of matter. More anon.

PS. A friend of mine gave me a sack of chocolate for Christmas. It’s in my office. Chocolate is not juice, nor is it a smoothie. Try telling chocolate that.

Here I sit, computer on the lap, dog on the foot; more importantly, here I sit with my juicer on the kitchen counter.

It seems to me that Joe Cross’ Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead┬áhas inspired quite a few people (I can name four friends of mine.) to take up his mantle. For one reason or another, some people fall short of their goals for their own juicy quest. I hope I make it, and for that reason I am modifying my approach. I will sustain myself with juice for 30 days while permitting myself the occasional yogurt-based smoothie — and black coffee. After the first 30 days, I’ll realign everything.

To that end, here I declare my own goals for this juicy quest:

  • Increase my stamina (mental) — I have no trouble with the other stamina, thanks.
  • Drop a few pounds
  • Detoxify my body, ridding it of the slurry of hormones and other bioaccumulated filth that has found its way to my link in the food chain
  • Ditch the chronic pain (not sure if this one’s even possible)
  • Learn some stuff

The more I ponder my quest, the more I do think stating my own goals and outlining (at least for now) how I shall go about meeting them.

  • No eating animals
  • 3 squares = 3 juices
  • Yogurt based smoothies are okay — healthy yogurt, I should say
  • I’m not giving up my coffee just yet. It is black coffee after all, which is essentially hot coffee-bean juice, right?
  • No beer (and just when my favorite Samuel Adams Seasonal is on tap down at the bar…)
  • Juice or smoothies for 30 days while I outline the plan of attack for the next 30

I feel as though modifying Joe’s 60 day fast to reflect something created in my own image is acceptable, given that I am not fat, sick or nearly dead; alternately, I am a bit portly with a few health problems I’d like to fix — lethargy and metal fatigue being chief among them. And instead of nearly dead, I am planning to be consummately alive.

My juicy quest begins tomorrow, January 17, 2012. I will reassess and make new goals on February 17, 2012 (after all, I don’t intend to survive on juice forever). I will turn 27 on March 9, 2012 and I am not afraid to admit that such a milestone creeps me out. I’m going to do something to make 27 a pivotal birthday; at any rate, my late 20s will make my early 20s seem like they were lived in a┬ámonastery.

To life, liberty and the pursuit.


(Written with love, care and great thought in about 20 minutes. I want to improve my speed in writing without sacrificing quality. Reckon that’s another goal of this juicing. Off to the grocery.)